No Rules!
How to escape from your own prison
How is it that as seemingly sane, rational adults we feel bound to comply with societal norms with which we don’t always agree? Why do we accept family requests and bow to expectations that we later resent? Why do we complain about how the behaviour of others has impacted our peace, our happiness, indeed, our lives? Are we powerless?
We are born with all our power, but it takes time and development for us to gain the notion of self, as in self-aware. As infants, we are incapable of sustaining ourselves and so are entirely dependent upon our parent/s or carer/s. These adults are our life-support and we try desperately to communicate our needs to them and later try to please them in exchange for care. This care, in whatever form, but in particular, food, can be a representation of what we assume to be nurturing and love. These adults may well be doing the best they can for us in the circumstances in which they find themselves. This and the extent of their capacity to afford us true love, will potentially have a profound effect upon us for the rest of our lives. We will later judge it, but that’s another story.
As we grow up, we learn that it pays to comply, to fit in and conform. We wish to please our carers and others and soon learn what is expected of us. The extent of expected and sometimes, demanded compliance expands as we mature [or at least age]. Not only carers and family, but wider society; schooling, religion, tradition, custom, etc. We become acutely aware of judgement by others and, in turn, become judgemental of others ourselves. Critically, we become our own fiercest judge.
This learned behaviour can lead to acceptance of the labels applied to us by others and indeed, by ourselves. Some are rôles; son/daughter, brother/sister, parent, husband/wife – all with attendant rules of behaviour and responsibility in the family ‘contract’. Others are judgemental; clever/stupid, pretty/ugly, strong/weak, dependable/unreliable etc. If told enough times by authority figures that we are stupid, or wrong, we end up believing it.
These are some of the ways we lose our original power over the Self. Some is taken from us when we are dependent and some, we give away consciously and unconsciously. Much of what we give away is in the pattern of pleasing others, often to our own detriment.
In stead of constantly complaining about the constraints and deficiencies in our lives, we can ask ourselves, from where did they come? When we look deeply, we may discern that we have made our own prison and become comfortable in it. We may be surprised to find that we hold the key in our hand! It may take some while before we unlock the door and open it. Even with the door wide open, it may take time and courage to step out.
So, what does it take to escape from your own prison? Reclaiming your own power is a good place to start; becoming more present and aware of what is; stopping judging others and eventually, yourself; becoming more honest with yourself and others, and doing all this with honour, respect and love. In short, becoming more of your true unique Self and enjoying the freedom to be so.
‘The greatest freedom is the freedom to be the Self’
“There are no rules, we are all unique. This principle is what I like most about Michael. Michael didn’t teach me any philosophies or belief systems. Rather, he invited me to consider ideas, options and points of view. Some of them I found extremely valuable and useful, some less so and some not at all. The thing is: That’s OK. We don’t all fit neatly into the prevailing or popular psychological, spiritual, societal or other model of the day. But we don’t have to. And that realisation is very powerful indeed. You are in fact completely free to be just you. The true, pure you. It really can be done. Untainted by influences, pressures and expectations created by others. But also created by you. Michael has made a real and tangible difference to my life and I cannot recommend him highly enough.”
Hydor Honiball, Freelance IT Consultant, Kent, England